Homer Simpson facepalm

Senator Lindsey Graham is the Worst

Author’s Note: The opinions expressed herein do not necessarily reflect the viewpoint of FlushDraw.net or its owners.

You have probably heard about it by now. The Republican Senator from South Carolina, Lindsey Graham, has never sat down at his computer, typed out an e-mail message, and hit the “send” button. Never. Ever. He made this pronouncement on NBC’s Meet the Press this past weekend when host Chuck Todd brought up the topic of the Hillary Clinton e-mail “scandal,” in which she allegedly conducted government business using her own personal e-mail account. That brought about this quick exchange on the show:

Todd: Do you have a private email address?

Graham: I don’t email. You can have every email I’ve ever sent, I’ve never sent one. I don’t know what that makes me.

You don’t know what that makes you? An asshole. Simple as that. You, Senator Graham, are a luddite asshole.

Now, if he is telling the truth (which, now that I think about it, is a longshot, considering he is a politician), this is a problem on so many levels. But of special is note is the fact that Graham is a member of the Senate Subcommittee on Privacy, Technology and the Law. Read that again. This out of touch asshole who has never used e-mail is specifically involved with shaping our country’s laws regarding technology. Holy shit.

I mean, that’s like putting a climate change denier in charge of the Senate Subcommittee on Space, Science and Competitiveness.

Oh, wait. That happened when Senator Ted Cruz (R – Tex.) was named Chair of that committee. In 2014, Cruz said the following in a CNN interview: “The last 15 years, there has been no recorded warming. Contrary to all the theories that—that they are expounding, there should have been warming over the last 15 years. It hasn’t happened.”

Well let’s come up with a ridiculous fictional example, then. Putting Graham, an unabashed e-mail ignoramus, on a Senate technology committee, is like putting a climate change denier on the Senate Environment and Public Works Committee.


Senator Jim Inhofe (R – Okla.) is the Chair of said committee. He has fervently denied climate change for years and he is the Senate’s most powerful man when it comes to the environment. He recently brought a snowball to the Senate floor to try to dispute the notion that 2014 was the warmest year on record.

Lindsey Graham does his benefactor's bidding by agreeing to introduce a federal bill seeking to ban online gambling.

Lindsey Graham – Would You Buy a Used Car From This Man?

But I digress. As you can see, the fact that Lindsey Graham is both an idiot and a Senator is no surprise. That he is in a position to use his bullshit beliefs to damage the United States is also not a surprise. But this is also the man who introduced Sheldon Adelson’s Restoration of America’s Wire Act into the Senate last year and is prepared to do it again this year. RAWA, as the bill is known, aims to make online gambling explicitly illegal in the United States. It is also a lie, as it doesn’t “restore” anything except an incorrect interpretation of the Wire Act that was set right at the end of 2011. So now we have a guy who has supposedly never sent an e-mail trying to force upon us a law that would govern how we can or cannot use the internet in the privacy of our own homes. Yeah, sounds fair.

Lindsey Graham is seriously the worst kind of Senator. I know most politicians do whatever they want rather than actually trying to do things that help their constituency, but Graham really just does whatever the fuck he wants to benefit himself and his career. Prior to Sheldon Adelson’s personal crusade against online gambling, Graham hadn’t said “boo” about the topic (we know he never gambled online, as he would need an e-mail address to create an account), but now that he has the chance to grab some of Adelson’s money for future political campaigns (including possibly a run at the Presidency, lord help us all), he will believe in anything. Adelson probably lets him reach into his pocket for his daily allowance like when Bob Barker used to have contestants dig deep for $100 when they would nail the price of the product correctly in the opening bidding round.

And it’s not just the whole internet poker thing that makes Lindsey Graham an asshole. He demonstrates his willingness to let power, money, and politics govern his every decision constantly. Take, for example, his questioning of prospective U.S. Attorney General Loretta Lynch during her confirmation hearing. Not only did he ask her the expected “isn’t online gambling going to bring about death and destruction?” questions, but he also broke out the good, old anti-gay rhetoric that is so common nowadays amongst his fellow Republicans, trying to bait Lynch with, “What is the legal difference between a state — a ban on same-sex marriage being unconstitutional but a ban on polygamy being constitutional? Could you try to articulate how one could be banned under the Constitution and the other not?”

It’s just embarrassing. Fortunately, Lynch didn’t take the bait and essentially told him to pound sand.

And most recently, Graham joined 46 other Republican Senators in undermining the Office of the President by signing a letter to Iran’s leaders that warned them that any agreement they entered with Barack Obama could be reversed by a future Republican President or Republican Congress. Understandably, this has nothing to do with online poker, but it another example of Lindsey Graham being a terrible, irresponsible, self-serving, asshole.

This is the guy who South Carolinians elected and who is leading the charge against online poker right now. Someone who can’t do something as simple as composing an e-mail in the year 2015, yet at the same time thinks he knows a thing or two about “Privacy, Technology, and the Law.” He’s fucking proud of it, too. After writing a letter with his quill pen, sealing it with wax, and dispatching it via courier to his electronic communication intern, he probably sips on a fine port while having another intern present him with the next day’s selection of white linen suits.

Lindsey Graham does not work in Washington, D.C. for the people of South Carolina or the citizens of the United States. He is there simply for himself. Most politicians, no matter their party, are also just in it for the power and are determined to screw us all left and right, but Lindsey Graham is a special kind of asshole. He’s the asshole who knows nothing about the internet yet feels he knows more than we do.


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